


The Concupiscent Platform Of Milk And Honey

by Fox_Salz



Series: Jane and Nepeta Detective Agency AU [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blindfolds, Bulge Sucking (Homestuck), Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Dom/sub, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Friends With Benefits, Gags, Graphic Depictions of Dumbasses, Light BDSM, Lingerie, M/M, Multi, Nook Eating (Homestuck), Nook Fingering (Homestuck), Orgasm Delay/Denial, Riding Crops, Sex Toys, Sollux Captor Has Dual Bulges, Spanking, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-09-29 12:20:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20435918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_Salz/pseuds/Fox_Salz
Summary: Karkat gets Sollux's gift and invites both him and Equius over.





	1. Troll Abbott and Costello In Who's On That Bulge First

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this for far too long, whoops, but hey here's a followup to that soleq yay.

Karkat rolled his eyes. These two were bumbling idiots, a contrary asshole and a needy uptight fucker. But fuck him he pitied them both in their own way, and they were _his_.

They were also sniping at each other with so much passive aggressive bullshit it could rival a back and forth between Kanaya and Tavros.

“I’m just saying, you fucked my pants, EQ. How can you be trusted with something as delicate as this?”

“That was a single mishandling of my superior strength. There’s no reason for it to be dredged up here. Especially by someone with a flagrant disregard for others’ personal property.”

They glared at each other, looking just one more wrong word away from delving into blows: Equius’ jaw was clenched tight while psionics crackled from Sollux’s exposed eyes.

Yeah, Karkat was done with this.

“Why the fuck am I still clothed?” he finally snapped, bringing their attention back on him. They looked at Karkat like antlerbeasts in headlights. Or, you know, like they’d just remembered Karkat had given them a simple goddamn order.

Earlier the lingerie Sollux had bought him arrived. The second Karkat had washed it—because he wasn’t a fucking animal—he tried it on and sent them both photos, inviting them to come over after work. Which they had, both eager faced and ecstatic when Karkat answered the door wearing nothing but.

Of course he was dealing with these two headaches so Karkat couldn’t be surprised that currently he was leaning on his concupiscent platform while troll Abbott and Costello wasted his time arguing. They scrambled to be the one to undress Karkat, which only resulted in them banging their heads together. Karkat couldn’t help snickering.

“Fuck you and your thick ass skull, Zahhak,” Sollux gripped, rubbing his head. Equius was much less affected by the collision.

Pity rising in his chest Karkat offered, “Want me to kiss it better, Sollux?”

“Fuck you, KK. But also yes.”

Karkat leaned forward and flicked his nose. “Where the fuck are your manners?”

“Yes _please_.”

“Amazing. You’re not as lost of a cause as once feared.”

Karkat pressed his lips to Sollux’s temple in a lingering kiss. Then he did the same to Equius, not wanting him to feel left out.

“Okay you fucking disasters, new order. Get down on your knees.”

While Equius obeyed without question, rushing to kneel on the floor, Sollux took his time and didn’t hold back his snark.

“Like I said before, KK, you have a control thing.”

“Yeah, Karkat agreed, running his fingers through Sollux’s hair. Suddenly, when he had a good handful, he gripped it tight and pulled his head up. “And you have problems with authority. I will gladly beat it out of you if you give me reason to, asshole.”

“Noted,” Sollux replied with a grin. “Do I have to call you sir? Because if you expect that your hand’ll get sore first.”

“Miracles are Gamzee’s territory not mine. I’ll settle for you showing an inkling of respect and for the two of you to not spend this whole evening knocking horns. On that note let’s talk ground rules. If you two—no, let me correct myself here because I know you both. _When_ you inevitably start fucking with each other or fighting I will punish you however I see fit. Also, and this may come as a surprise, but when I give an order I expect it to be obeyed. I hope that doesn’t sound too unreasonable to you assholes.”

Equius shook his head as Sollux replied, “Fair Enough.”

Eager to see his grin drop Karkat added, “Psionics aren’t allowed unless I give you explicit permission. Am I clear, Sollux?”

Sollux’s scowl was probably more satisfying than it should have been. When he didn’t say anything Karkat yanked his head back further.

“When I ask a question I expect an answer, Sollux.”

“Crystal clear, KK.”

Karkat released his hold on him and patted Sollux’s cheek.

“Good boy. Now, safe words. Let me hear them so I know you remember.”

Sollux said, “Colony collapse disorder,“ at the same time Equius gave, “Four-oh-four.”

“That’s a mouthful and safe words we’ve ever used before, but okay.”

“I’ll give you a mouthful, KK,” Sollux mumbled just as Equius admitted, “It is what we use together.”

“I‘d suggest blue screen of death, but that’s what I call it when he pails.”

Karkat put his hand over Sollux’s mouth as Equius scowled at him. “You two are so exhausting and we’ve barely started.” He felt Sollux open his mouth just a bit. “If you lick my hand I will get the riding crop.”

Sollux shook with snickers but didn’t push his luck.

“Alright, it’s time for you to put your mouth to better use than pissing me off,” Karkat decided, moving his hand to the back of Sollux’s head.

Karkat pushed his face between his thighs and Sollux got the hint, mouthing his nook through the panties. Equius watched intently, a bead of sweat forming at his temple. Karkat motioned with his head and Equius clambered onto the bed behind him. Gently he reached around to fondle Karkat’s rumble spheres.

Karkat let his head fall back against Equius’ chest, rewarding him with a moaned, “Good boy.”

Equius pressed his mouth to the crook of his neck, mindful of Karkat’s gills, and started sucking. Karkat reached back with his free hand and stroked Equius’ hair, his other pushing Sollux’s face down further.

Now this was much more like it.

Karkat let his grip lax on Sollux, pushing a stray strand of hair out of his face. Sollux glanced up at him and he gave an encouraging smile. Like he was testing what he could get away with, Sollux ran his fingers up Karkat’s legs, over his thighs. When Karkat didn’t say anything he sneaked a finger in under the panties and teased Karkat’s nook. His breath hitched, hips lifting instinctively. Spurred on, Sollux pressed his finger in and pulled the panties aside so his tongue could follow.

Karkat was already breathing hard. It didn’t help that one of Equius large hands had trailed down to his hips, firmly massaging just how he knew Karkat liked it. He let them both have their fun for a bit, giving soft encouragements and praise.

His bulge had begun to wiggle out. It peeked around the panties, searching out Sollux’s warmth. Karkat lifted his hand from Sollux and moved it to his bulge, letting it wrap around his arm slowly as it came to life. When it was fully extended Sollux pulled back.

“Weren’t you going to make me earn that picture of you in lingerie with your bulge in my mouth?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

Sollux opened his mouth eagerly, leaning forward like a barkbeast waiting for a treat. Karkat readily gave it to him. It didn’t take much coaxing for his bulge to slither inside; Karkat willed it to go slow, not wanting to just ram the back of Sollux’s throat right off the bat. Though he was sure Sollux wouldn’t really mind.

His tongue ran along the length of his bulge and Karkat shivered. For all the shit he spewed out of it, Sollux knew how to use his mouth. Pre-material was already coating his bulge, some dripping down Sollux’s chin. It was a beautiful sight.

As he filled Sollux’s mouth, bulge inching all the way in, Karkat pulled Equius’ head so he could smash their lips together. It didn’t take much force to get Equius’ mouth open so his tongue could dart in. He explored Equius mouth while watching Sollux carefully through half lidded eyes.

Sollux kept still save for his tongue that he used as best he could as the available space in his mouth got less and less. Karkat’s bulge was on the larger side, both longer and thicker than Equius’ or one of Sollux’s. It reached the back of Sollux’s throat no problem, his mouth uncomfortably wide. Karkat gave him credit for somehow keeping his fangs from fucking up his bulge. Fuck, Karkat gave him credit for even getting it all in there. Arousal tingled in his gut at Sollux’s dedication.

It was nice enough just having that heat around his bulge, but then Sollux’s forked tongue found a spot close to its base and flicked wildly. Karkat moaned into Equius’ mouth.

He tried to keep his attention on Sollux for signs he’d had enough, while not ignoring his matesprit. Not an easy feat, but fuck him if he hadn’t mastered multitasking even when there was so much going on. Equius was teasing a grubscar now, fingertips brushing lightly against the slits at his ribcage, shooting fresh arousal through him.

When the slightest hint of tears pricked at the corners of Sollux’s eyes Karkat turned from Equius, little whine following, and said, “That’s enough.”

As Sollux pulled back slowly Karkat helped ease his bulge out. Sollux took a deep breath, swallowing hard. Karkat tugged him forward again, rewarding him with a deep, languid kiss where he pressed his tongue in like he had for Equius, moaning as he tasted himself.

“Red’s a good color on you, Sollux,” Karkat said when he finally pulled back, thumb rubbing Sollux’s bottom lip.

“Ehehehe, blue too.”

Equius shifted behind him; Karkat could feel his bulge twitching in his pants.

“Trust me, we’ll get there. Right now I’m tired of you both being dressed. Fix that.” Both of them hurriedly grabbed at their own clothing until Karkat spoke up again. “Nope. Undress each other.”

Their enthusiasm was dampened as they eyed each other warily. Karkat wondered if he’d have to get the riding crop out soon. For now he just leaned back and enjoyed the show.

Equius stepped off the bed as Sollux rose, knee cracking; Karkat should talk to Terezi about getting that bony asshole to stretch more. They stood in front of each other not, moving like they were waiting for the other one to make the first move.

“Today, assholes. And I expect a good performance. No half-assed nonsense that wouldn’t even cut it in an amateurish pailvid or I’ll make you get redress and try again.”

That got them into motion. Both reached for each other at the same time. Realizing it wouldn’t work well like that Sollux let Equius push his shirt up first, slowly, dragging fingers across his grubscars. He held his arms up so Equius could get if off him, who looked at Karkat for orders.

“No need to fold, just don’t make a complete fucking mess.”

As he tossed it to the side Sollux snickered, reaching for Equius’ shirt now. He wasn’t nearly as delicate, tugging it up and getting the collar snagged on his horn. Karkat wouldn’t be surprised if it ripped when Sollux just continued yanking it up before throwing it behind him without looking. Little fucking shit. At least he made up for it by licking all the way up from Equius’ waistband to collarbone where he bit down. Equius groaned, hand shooting out to grip Sollux’s hip.

When Sollux bothered putting in effort he was a good showman. He sucked along Equius’ collarbone, leaving a trail of indigo marks and making Equius pant. Sweat rolled down his cheek, dripped from his straining jaw. The effort he was using not to hold Sollux too tight was visible; Karkat admired his willpower, the control he exerted over his own strength. He was already thinking of ways to reward Equius.

Karkat also needed to reward Sollux for that goddamn mouth. He had moved down, getting back on his knees—which was a good place for him, frankly—and was nipping and sucking along the expanse of Equius’ bare skin. He gave special attention to his grubscars. Equius wasn’t nearly as sensitive there as most trolls so Sollux had no qualms about biting down hard until Equius was groaning, fingers tangling in Sollux’s hair and legs shaking.

Finally he let up, going down to his pants. First he popped the button open with his mouth then took the zipper between his teeth, pulling down. Equius swallowed. Karkat’s bulge squirmed excitedly.

Sollux yanked his pants and underwear to his ankles, wide grin on his face that showed off his jumble of fangs. Tasting freedom, Equius’ bulge twitched around frantically. Sollux ran his tongue along its underside, right from base to tip. The gasp Equius let out, eyelids fluttering, was fucking magical.

Then he pulled back and stood, pointing at his own pants that had yet to be taken off. “Come on, EQ, why are you taking so long to obey KK’s orders?”

Karkat didn’t miss the way Equius’ eye twitched and he was sure Sollux noticed, too. All the same he walked forward and started undoing Sollux’s top button.

“Can you take them off without breaking them this time?” Sollux taunted.

Equius narrowed his eyes and just ripped his pants open, tearing the zipper clean off. Sollux let out an indignant squawk and reached up to Equius’ neck, psionics crackling around his fingers before shooting out.

Well, they lasted longer than expected.

“Well I guess we‘ve already forgotten the rules,” Karkat spoke up before their fighting could escalate. Equius at least had the good sense to look apologetic, head bowing. Sollux was as Sollux as ever.

“He started it, KK.”

“I absolutely did not! Karkat, you witnessed his flagrant disrespect for me.”

“What I’m witnessing is two idiots who are only making it worse on themselves.” Karkat snapped his fingers and pointed to a spot on the ground. “Equius, kneel. Hands behind your back.”

Equius obeyed with one last quick glare in Sollux’s direction. Sollux stuck out his tongue like a petulant wiggler.

Karkat crossed the space between them with purpose, grabbing Sollux’s pants roughly and pulling them down. He shouldn’t have been surprised but Sollux wasn’t even wearing underwear.

“You’re a depraved, slutty pervert.”

“Ehehehe yeah. But that’s just a long way of saying ‘charming’.”

“It’s really not.”

Equius snorted.

“_Equius_. Not a goddamn peep from you.”

He straightened, facing forward and mouth clamping shut.

Karkat put a hand between Sollux’s shoulder blades and led him to the bed where he bent Sollux over. He had Sollux put his hands behind his back, too.

“Comfy?”

“No.”

“Good.”

Karkat slapped his ass, ordering him to stay as he gathered what he needed. The riding crop of fucking course, and a blindfold. Then he spotted the bulge curlers and on a whim grabbed three because of Sollux’s obnoxious double bulges.

He slid up behind Equius and tied the blindfold in place. He didn’t resist, but he wasn’t smiling. Karkat circled to his front, nudging at Equius’ thighs with his foot. Equius obliged, parting his legs, and Karkat lowered between them. He ghosted fingertips over his bulge that eagerly sought out his warmth. It slithered into his palm and Karkat suddenly squeezed tight, trapping it. Equius let out a strangled sound.

He pressed the tip to the curler, a ridged cylinder that was hollow in the middle where the legs were stored. One popped out hungrily as it sensed pre-material slicking its surface and clamped down on the tip. It thrashed but couldn’t escape. Karkat twisted the rest of Equius’ bulge around the curler until it was flush against his bone bulge, the rest of the curler’s legs tightening around it eagerly, almost like a many legged embrace.

Standing and taking a step back, Karkat admired his handiwork. Equius was handsome to begin with, but when he was at Karkat’s mercy like this? Fucking _ravishing_. There was sweat on his brow that trailed down his flushed cheeks. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, arms straining to stay right where they were supposed to even though Karkat knew he wanted to touch himself badly. Pity swelling in his chest, he cupped Equius’ chin and tilted his head back, other hand grabbing his broken horn and rubbing the base. Equius let out a trill and Karkat kissed him hard.

“Now fucking behave yourself,” he ordered when he pulled back a minute later.

“Yes, sir.”

Sollux snickered. Karkat rolled his eyes; someone needed attention.

“My bloodpusher might actually stop if you weren’t an asshole for longer than two whole minutes,” Karkat commented, going back over to him.

“Just doing my part to watch out for your health, KK, because I care.”

“There are plenty of other grating assholes to rile me up,” Karkat pointed out, taking one of Sollux’s bulges and rolling it around a curler.

“Sure, but not the way I do.” He had the audacity to glance back at Karkat and wink.

“You know I could just leave these things on you all night and not let you pail, right? Ride your face for hours to finally get you to shut the fuck up, let Equius use you like a bucket. Make you take care of your own damn self.”

Sollux’s second bulge was practically dancing at that prospect and Karkat had a hard time getting a good grip on it. After a moment, though, he finally got it around the curler.

“You’re a goddamn pervert and a slut, Sollux. A hedonistic nook eating, bulge blistering slut.”

“I love your little pet names for me, KK.”

Karkat only let himself grin because Sollux wasn’t looking. Didn’t want his ego getting too inflated.

He took the riding crop and ran its tip across Sollux’s skin, saying, “I’d make you count but if it’s not zeros and ones or two then I don’t think you even know how.”

“Mean,” Sollux said, and Karkat flicked his wrist, snapping the crop against his ass. His breath hitched.

“You’re terrible at following directions, Sollux,” he said, bringing down the crop on a different spot.

“Only if I don’t care for them.”

Karkat struck three times in rapid succession, each on top of the other. Sollux groaned, ass lifting just a little. Karkat let himself grin in full. He didn’t let up as he spoke again.

“You’re a contrary fucker by nature, I’m well aware.”

“You—” Sollux stumbled on his words at a particularly solid strike. He swallowed hard and tried again. “You find it endearing.”

“We must have been taught different definitions of that word,” Karkat snorted, teasing his assaulted flesh with the crop tip. Without warning he smacked the curve down to his thighs.

“_Fuck_,” Sollux breathed.

Karkat kept striking there, picking up speed and making sure to get the other side, too. Sollux pressed his face into the bed, letting out little sounds that got eaten. Karkat didn’t make him lift his head even though he’d love to hear them clearer; it was enough just to know he was wringing them out of him.

Karkat kept up a steady stream of strikes up on both thighs and ass, only pausing to switch hands when one got tired. Sollux kept pressing up into the hits, and Karkat was mesmerized by his hands as they flexed and balled into fists, claws digging into his palms. There’d be marks there in the morning.

Finally Karkat stopped, brushing the crop tip across Sollux’s abused flesh as he gave him a minute to recover. Sollux sagged against the platform, breath as heavy as Equius.

Sollux’s ass was vastly improved by a nice shade of bright yellow decorating it.

Karkat glanced back at his matesprtit as he idly ran the crop down to Sollux’s nook, rubbing his lips that were slick with pre-material; moaning, Sollux bucked.

Equius’ hands were still behind his back. His bulge was straining against the curler enticingly, and Karkat grinned. With those things on they couldn’t climax fully, and Karkat was going to have a goddamn blast bringing them to the edge until both were _begging_. He might even let them come if they didn’t piss him off too much.

He turned his attention back to Sollux. Yellow dripped down the riding crop.

“Can you stand?”

“Sure, but this is the perfect position for a bulge to be in me, just throwing that out there.”

“If you stand we can go fuck with Equius.”

With a grunt Sollux pushed himself up.

Karkat wrapped an arm around his bony hips and turned Sollux around, holding the riding crop up to his face. Sollux didn’t need any more prompting than that to start licking his pre-material off. He watched Karkat as he cleaned it, slowly dragging his tongue over the leather.

“And you call me the pervert,” he teased when he was done.

“You just lapped up your own slurry like a hungry purrbeast.”

“Touché.”

Karkat pulled him down for a kiss, pushing his tongue inside Sollux’s mouth. Sollux wasn’t pliant like Equius, trying to take control. Karkat moved his hand down to his ass and squeezed warningly. With a snicker Sollux backed down.

“Control issues,” he muttered when Karkat pulled back.

“Fucking wiggler. Don’t act like you’re not enjoying it, Sollux.”

“Hey, I never said that.”

Karkat matched his grin, flicking Sollux’s bulge with the crop. His quick intake of breath was gratifying.

He pulled Sollux over to Equius, stopping in front of him. Karkat used the crop to tilt his chin up.

“You two dipshits think you can find it in in yourselves to behave even a modicum?”

“I will try to the udder best of my abilities,” Equius carefully answered.

“I swear I won’t use my psionics while you’re looking.”

“Sweet fucking hell you two are impossible together. Alright, it’s time to gag you both. Arms at your side.”

Equius obeyed and Karkat put his foot on his chest, pushing him onto his back. He kept it there.

“The blindfold—”

“Stays on, smartass. What doesn’t is this goddamn rumble spheres holder. Sollux.”

He came right over, unhooking and pushing it off. Karkat tossed it to the side as Sollux groped his freed rumble spheres, mouthing at his neck.

“You’re taking a lot of liberties there, Sollux. I only said to take it off.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“I didn’t fucking say that, now did I?”

Sollux laughed against his skin, breath tickling.

He kissed, nipped, sucked along his neck and shoulder and Karkat allowed him, tilting his head to give him better access. He flicked his tongue across Karkat’s gills, blew on them lightly. His hands, meanwhile, roamed. Sollux teased his grubscars, circled fingers around his gills, drug claws from his collarbone down his stomach and to the waistband of the panties. When he tried to sneak his hands under the material, however, Karkat grabbed his wrists.

“Sit on Equius’ face, turned to me.”

“Now that’s a command that deserves a ‘yes sir’.”

“I don’t know why I put up with you two,” Karkat groused as Sollux made to obey.

As he lowered onto Equius’s face Sollux offered, “My mouth and his muscles.”

“Well, at least you know your good traits, rare as those may be.”

Equius’ hands rose to steady Sollux as he apparently got to eating his nook out, if the flutter of Sollux’s eyelids was anything to go by. Karkat ran fingers through Sollux’s hair, scratching around his horn beds. Sollux leaned into the touch with a happy chirp.

After a minute Karkat pulled away; Sollux let out a little whine and he shooshed him gently. He helped Equius stretch out his legs, settling between them to enjoy the show.

Sollux looked so pretty, a sheen of sweat coating his face and neck. His open hands were on Equius’ chest, fingers flexing and scratching him up as Equius ate him out. Equius was gripping his thighs, angling him so he could get his tongue in further. Sollux would probably have bruises there in the morning and Karkat couldn’t wait to see them.

Curses started falling from Sollux’s lips in rapid succession and Karkat swooped in, pressing their mouths together just a little too rough. Sollux gasped into the kiss. When Karkat pulled back he didn’t go far, gently knocking their foreheads together.

“How’re you feeling there, Sollux?”

“God, fucking, _close_. Take these goddamn curlers off already.”

“Oh these?” Karkat grabbed one of his trapped bulges and squeezed. Sollux groaned, moving his head down to Karkat’s shoulder. “Mm, I don’t think either of you’ve earned it yet.”

Karkat sat back, smirking. Sollux scowled as best as a troll being so close to orgasm yet denied the privilege could.

“You’re a sadist, KK. A fucking—shit, fuck—_sadist_.”

“Yup. You know, it’s really unfair that Equius has a mouthful but you don’t.”

Karkat snapped off those garters and shimmied out of his panties; there was pre-material soaking the front. He wadded them up before shoving them into Sollux’s mouth.

“Now that’s a good look for you. And speaking of unfair.” Karkat pressed two fingers into Equius who bucked up. “Wouldn’t want to ignore you, love of my life.”

Equius moaned, a low, decadent sound, that made Sollux gasp around his gag. Ah, now that was music to his auricular sponge clots.

Karkat’s bulge was jerking around, craving its own attention. He guided it to Equius’ and it rubbed against the curler eagerly as Karkat stretched his nook. He didn’t just want to push into Equius without a little bit of prep and risk hurting the guy, though he knew the thought of that alone was enough to get Equius off.

Finally, when Equius’ nook walls were practically pulling his fingers in deeper, Karkat let his bulge ease in. He watched the other two carefully. Equius squeezed Sollux’s thighs tighter and in turn Sollux dug claws into his chest, drawing several pinpricks of blood. When his bulge was filling Equius’ nook Karkat leaned forward and grabbed the back of Sollux’s neck, massaging. Sollux met his eyes; he looked so beautifully desperate.

His bulge gave a jolt, thrashing wildly. Karkat swallowed. He could feel his climax rapidly approaching, far too soon, and he willed himself to hold out just a little longer.

The other two were growing more erratic. It must be taking all of Equius’ control not to break Sollux. Sollux meanwhile looked like he’d gladly break if it meant he got to come.

Fuck it, Karkat neither could nor wanted to drag this out any longer.

He uncurled Equius’ bulge first. To Sollux’s credit he waited for Karkat to do the same to his and Karkat rewarded him with a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Karkat grabbed one of his bulges and massaged it sloppily; it was enough to have the eager thing practically preening as its twin wrapped jealously around Karkat’s wrist. Sollux moaned with abandon into the panties, eyes clenching shut. Karkat pulled him forward, nipping at his ear and whispering encouragements.

Sollux came first, head dropping to the crook of Karkat’s neck as Equius ate him out through his orgasm. Karkat finally let his bulge thrash against Equius’ seed flap, stroking Sollux’s hair. With his other hand, freed as his bulges retracted contently, he nudged Equius’ off of Sollux and steadied him himself. Gratefully Equius clutched at the floor.

It took barely a breath more before Equius’ slurry was covering Karkat’s thighs, and as his back arched Karkat came with a cry.

Karkat was panting hard, one hand on the ground to steady himself. He allowed a silent count to sixty before forcing himself to get up.

Before they had gotten there earlier, Karkat had actually intended to use a bucket. Clean up was going to be a bitch and a half but fuck him if it wasn’t three shades of worth it. Goddamn these two idiots—_his_ idiots were absolutely gorgeous.

He eased Sollux off Equius’ face. As soon as Karkat took the panties out of his mouth he whined about not wanting to move yet so, rolling his eyes, Karkat got him to lay down half draped across Equius’ chest, then removed the blindfold. Eyes closed, yellow slurry dribbling down his chin, Equius curled an arm around Sollux’s waist.

Karkat went to the ablutionblock and got a bath set up for them. Thankfully Equius was used to showering with Karkat so it wasn’t too hard to get a comfortable temperature for everyone.

By the time Karkat returned both of them had dozed off. Heh, they were cute like this. Karkat grabbed his palmhusk and snapped a photo before nudging their shoulders.

“Alright, here’s the plan. Clean up, nap, then I’ll order take out. Anything you two want, if you can actually agree on something.”

Equius nodded.

“I demand to be carried,” Sollux mumbled, burying his face into Equius’ neck.

“You have the ability to fly,” Equius pointed out. Sollux flopped a hand over his mouth.

Karkat scooped Sollux up, amused as he blinked his eyes rapidly trying to process what was happening. Clicking his tongue to get Equius’ attention and make sure he followed, he started for the the ablutionblock. Karkat couldn’t do this with, say, Gamzee, or literally any other troll really. But luckily Sollux was all bones, fangs, and snark.

He made Equius get in first, setting Sollux on his lap. Then Karkat squeezed in. It was a good thing he’d specifically gotten a tub put in sized for an indigo.

The other two were still in that blissfully groggy post-pailing state so Karkat took it upon himself to clean them all up. And, truthfully, pamper them a bit for a job well done. He washed their hair, checked them over for injuries, rolled his eyes at their lazy bickering. Pressed kisses to their horns, massaged their shoulders and backs, praised them. At the end of the bath they were both like putty. Happy, trilling putty.

By some feat he managed to get them up and into bed, nestling between the pair. He pulled the blanket over them all, making sure they were both covered, and in no time Sollux and Equius were out. Idly playing with either’s hair, Karkat followed soon after.


	2. Troll Abbott and Costello in Breakfast of Horny Champions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a well balanced meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just an excuse for a bunch of nook eating, bon apetite.

There was a loud crash that jolted Karkat awake and his eyes forcibly shot open. His senses were on high alert. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Had one of those anti-troll bastards found where he lived and broken in? Or maybe a highblood who wanted to dethrone Feferi and bring back the Condesce. At least Equius and Sollux were—

Wait, where were his idiots?

Oh, goddamn it.

“What the fuck was that?” Karkat hollered, sitting up.

“Absolutely nothing to concern yourself with,” Equius called back.

“Now go back to sleep before you ruin the surprise!” Sollux added.

Karkat plopped back down onto the far too empty bed. It was also too early to intervene in whatever they were doing. He closed his eyes and hoped they didn’t break anything.

He actually did doze off. One minute he was bemoaning his magnetism for absolute dumbasses then the next one of those said dumbasses was jostling his shoulder. Karkat opened his eyes to Sollux’s grinning face. Behind him was Equius holding a tray of food.

“If my kitchen is a wreck I’ll tie your bulges together.”

“Kinky.”

Sollux climbed up to the head of the bed as Karkat sat up. Before he could adjust Sollux snaked arms around Karkat’s waist and pulled him against his chest, chin resting between his horns. Then Equius carefully crawled onto the bed, setting the tray‘s legs on either side of Karkat’s.

Buttered grubloaf, moon side up cluckbeast eggs, sizzled oinkbeast strips, and coffee. It all looked and smelled delicious.

“What did you two do?” Karkat wondered.

“Fucking rude. We can’t just do something nice for you?”

“I swear we simply desired to pamper you a little as a way to show our gratitude for, ahem, _yesterday_,” Equius explained.

“He means you fucked us so good we wanted to make you breakfast in bed.”

Equius sighed, rubbing his forehead. “You are far too crass, Captor.”

“I’m the right amount of crass.”

Rolling his eyes, Karkat picked up the mug of coffee. He took an experimental sip, smiling to himself. Equius had added just the right amount of sugar and creamer.

“I magnanimously and humbly accept this token of your appreciation that is so rightfully deserved.”

Most people wouldn’t be able to tell but Karkat noted the slight change to Equius’ expression: a proud joy at pleasing him. It was adorable.

Karkat sat the mug down and reached for the fork only for Equius to hurriedly snatch it up first.

“Allow me.”

Karkat shrugged, leaning back against Sollux. “You really are pampering me, huh?”

Reaching up to idly massage one of Karkat’s rumble spheres—he noted that while he was still naked they’d thrown on some clothes—Sollux hummed.

“What would you like to taste first?”

“Eggs.”

Equius cut a piece of the egg off and brought it up to Karkat’s mouth. Karkat ate it off the fork, looking up at Equius through his lashes and relishing how that blush got just a bit darker. He was wearing his shades; Karkat wanted to see his eyes.

“Take your glasses off for me.”

Equius hesitated a moment, caught off guard. Then he took them off and placed them on the nightstand. He looked at Karkat shyly, waiting for approval. Smiling, Karkat pulled him forward for a deep kiss.

“Gay,” Sollux said after a minute.

Equius pressed his hand to Sollux’s mouth and kept it there.

“Bacon?” he offered, holding a slice up. Karkat opened his mouth in answer.

As Karkat chewed Equius watched him happily. Until he gave a sudden grimace.

“You are gross and despicable.”

Equius removed his hand and wiped it on Sollux’s shirt while he snickered.

“And to think, I usually spend my mornings without having to listen to your constant bickering. How do I function with all that peace and quiet?”

“We could always prerecord some arguments and set them up as your alarm.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

While Equius continued feeding Karkat, Sollux basically felt him up. Not that Karkat minded. His pace wasn’t urgent, hands simply roaming and squeezing lackadaisically. It was nice. Relaxing.

Then when Karkat decided he had had enough to eat Sollux’s finger dipped into his nook.

“_Fuck_.”

Karkat’s leg involuntarily jerked and Equius barely caught the tray before it toppled. He laid it out of the way on the nightstand, shooting Sollux a dirty look.

Sollux chuckled, pressing his mouth to Karkat’s shoulder.

“Incorrigible bastard.”

“Can’t let Equius be the only one who pampers you.”

“Like you need an excuse.”

Sollux let out a breathy, unapologetic laugh that made Karkat shake his head fondly. Then he opened his arms and Equius immediately crawled between his legs.

Hand sliding to the nape of his neck, Karkat pushed Equius forward and claimed his lips. Equius held his side right below a grubscar, thumb rubbing light, teasing circles.

When Equius pulled back he had a dreamy look about him. Karkat ran a finger over his lips. Then Sollux pressed another digit inside of him with no warning and he gasped. Jealous little shit. Karkat knew he shouldn’t reward him but he couldn’t resist turning and kissing one of his smaller horns.

Equius cleated his throat and spoke up, “Karkat, you should order me to pleasure your nook with my mouth.”

He quirked an eyebrow and replied, “Equius, we’ve talked about this. How should you be phrasing that?”

With a beautiful tinting of indigo on his face Equius swallowed and mumbled, “I would like to pleasure your nook, please. With my mouth. Please.”

“Just ask to eat him out, holy fuck, dude.”

Karkat held a finger to Sollux’s lips saying, “Shoosh, you. Equius, I’ll allow it because you managed to voice what you wanted.”

Face lighting up, Equius pulled the sheets aside. He settled between Karkat’s thighs, giving Sollux a pointed look. Slowly he pulled his fingers out of Karkat’s nook.

Karkat barely had a second to miss them as Equius’s tongue licked up from one end of his nook to the other. Again Karkat gasped. Sollux took the opportunity to sneak his fingers into his mouth and Karkat readily sucked, reveling in the taste of his own pre-material.

Equius watched him with those gorgeous blue eyes he kept hidden so often as he teased Karkat’s lips. Karkat grabbed his intact horn, squeezing encouragingly, and Equius pressed his tongue in.

Sollux added a third finger, gently thrusting them into Karkat’s mouth. Karkat moaned, opening up wider.

It took an embarrassingly short amount of time for his bulge to slither out eagerly. As soon as he saw its bright red tip peek out, Sollux grabbed and tugged it from the sheath. With light fingers he ran his hand up and down its length, letting out harmless sparks that made Karkat buck, panting heavily.

“Ehehehe, you look good like this, KK.”

If his mouth wasn’t full Karkat would have snapped back something witty or at least crude. As it was, either because of Equius’ tongue or Sollux’s comment, Karkat only moaned mortifyingly loudly. Saliva dribbled out down his chin.

Sollux kissed his shoulder, brushed his lips over to the crook of Karkat’s neck where he nibbled with careful fangs, avoiding his gills. Karkat let out a series of undignified sounds, body torn on whose mouth it should be arching towards. He kept going back and forth, trying to get as much stimulation from both of them as possible.

Gentle but firm hands took hold of his hips and held him steady. Then Equius eased his legs further apart so he could sink his tongue even deeper inside Karkat. Fuck it felt so good, his tongue stroking a spot that had him _squealing_.

Sollux’s amused little snort tickled his neck. He gave the very tip of Karkat’s bulge a shock that made Karkat clench his eyes shut.

He cursed, begged, threatened to knot Sollux’s bulges together, every single word lost behind the fingers still fucking his mouth. Sollux nuzzled his face against Karkat’s cheek, whispering a mixture of pretty encouragements and perverse filth; Karkat wasn’t sure what turned him on more.

Then Sollux was moving his bulge and Karkat felt pre-material slicking the hand he had around Equius’ horn. He willed his eyes open again. His bulge was wrapping around the horn eagerly.

Sollux took his hand so his bulge had free rein of it. He threaded their fingers together as he moved it up to his mouth, pressing kisses to Karkat’s knuckles.

Karkat was close. With no way to warm them he simply watched and soaked in all the sensations.

His bulge pulsed around Equius’ horn, coating it with slurry that dripped into his hair. Equius glanced up between his thick lashes, sending a shiver up Karkat’s spine.

Sollux meanwhile had returned to kissing and licking from Karkat’s neck to chin to cheek. He squeezed their fingers together. The ones in his mouth had stopped thrusting in favor of just laying in there, idly massaging the top of his tongue.

Equius hadn’t let up on that sensitive spot and _finally_ an orgasm ignited through his whole body. He cried out, automatically biting down on Sollux’s fingers. There was a surprised gasp right beside his ear but Karkat was too far gone to care, letting out a high pitched trill that filled the room.

_Equius didn’t stop_.

He could feel his arousal quickly coming back to life, nook clenching around Equius’ tongue greedily. Karkat’s trill quickly turned into a desperate keen.

“No fair, dude. It’s my turn to eat KK’s nook. Breakfast of goddamn champions.”

Lifting his head just far enough to speak—a whine escaping Karkat at the sudden loss—Equius replied, “Why should I share when you hindered more than helped me cook, Captor?”

“I was supervising. Besides, it’s what KK wants. Right, KK?”

Sollux took his fingers out of Karkat’s mouth and he craned his neck to glare up at him. Sollux grinned back down.

“Put your mouth,” he panted, “to better fucking use than bullshit antagonizing.”

“Ehehehehe, you heard the man.”

Sollux swooped down for a quick kiss. Karkat nipped at his lip.

With little effort Equius removed the slick but still aroused bulge from around his horn and readjusted Karkat, turning him so he was facing Sollux, head in Equius’ lap. Karkat gazed up, struck with the adoration in his matesprit’s eyes. Equius smiled down at him. Karkat also noticed the slurry coating his horn and hair; his bulge twitched.

Then there was the tingle of psionics on his waist, lifting his hips up towards Sollux’s mouth and his legs over his shoulders. Sollux dove right in. Karkat reached back, clinging to Equius’ shirt as Sollux pushed into his nook.

“While there are few things Captor and I can agree on, I have to admit he was correct when he said you look good like this, Karkat. Of course that’s a simplistic way to put it, not even touching on your absolute majesty.”

“Are you—“ Karkat swallowed, fingers twisting into the material as the fork of Sollux’s tongue teased him, “—going to wax poetical at me, Equius?”

“If you like.”

“Fucking _yes_.”

Sollux snickered, vibration running through his nook, and mumbled something Karkat didn’t catch. Equius scowled, though.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full.”

“Mannerless heathen,” Karkat agreed, which earned him another psionic shock this time to the tip of his nook. Karkat cried out.

Smoothing a stray strand of hair out of Karkat’s face Equius told him, “Now if there are no more interruptions, I may continue. Merely ‘good’ is an insult.” Equius cupped his face, thumb gently rubbing his cheek. “You’re beautiful, Karkat. A gorgeous sight like this. _Breathtaking_. It’s an honor to see you come undone.”

Equius bent down and claimed his lips. Digging his claws in hard enough to rip his shirt, Karkat kissed back furiously. When Equius opened his mouth for him Karkat pushed his tongue in, rubbing it over his chipped fangs.

Suddenly Sollux squeezed the base of his bulge, stray psionics tingling across it. Karkat whined into Equius’ mouth and in response his hand trailed down, massaging Karkat’s rumble spheres.

Fuck, Karkat was already close again.

He rocked awkwardly against Sollux’s face, desperation for another release gripping him. Thankfully Sollux helped him out, his other hand holding onto Karkat’s ass and angling him further up. He flicked his tongue rapidly, not slowing down until Karkat was absolutely writhing, screaming into Equius’s mouth.

Sollux clamped down on his bulge so his full slurry couldn’t escape. Karkat cursed him and begged, all the words lost as Equius kissed him harder.

For a minute Karkat lost track of things. Every nerve was on fire. He knew he was practically gasping for breath, tears pricking the corners of his eyes that Equius wiped away. Vaguely he was aware as Sollux eased his lower body back down, squeezing his thighs and hips.

His legs felt like absolute jelly. Saliva and slurry dribbled out of his pulsating nook, soaking the bed. Goddamn it he really liked these sheets, too.

Tossing an arm over his eyes Karkat chuckled breathlessly and said, “Bastards.”

“Love you too, KK.”

Karkat’s bulge wiggled pointedly. He motioned towards it saying, “Someone needs to finish what they started.”

“Are you sure you don’t need a moment to recover?”

“There is no such thing as recovery from this until you two have finished your goddamn _worshipping_.”

Sollux snickered and even Equius let out an amused breath.

They shifted, then Karkat heard something like hands hitting flesh several times. He peeled out around his arm and saw they were playing rock, paper, scissors.

“You’re both cullbait.”

They ignored him. It seemed to be best out of three, and judging by Equius’ smug look he was the victor. Karkat felt both like the real winner _and_ loser.

Sollux stayed nestled between Karkat’s thighs as Equius carefully readjusted, laying Karkat’s head gently down.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Mouth, bulge, _now_.”

Equius actually fucking saluted—no trace of teasing, a fully serious fucking _salute_, stupid handsome bastard—before going down to Karkat’s bulge. He mouthed the outside, lavishing it with attention, and Karkat groaned. He closed his eyes, easily getting caught up in the sensation.

Then a finger was teasing his nook back open. Karkat’s claws dug into the bedsheet; these things were officially ruined, fuck it.

“What was the word you used? Majestic?”

Equius spoke with lips ghosting over the underside of Karkat’s bulge. “One of them, yes.”

“It’s pretty fitting.” Idly Sollux curled his finger. Karkat keened. “It’s really fun getting you all worked up and undone like this, KK. Gives me a new appreciation for breakfast.”

Before Karkat could say anything Equius’ mouth enveloped his bulge, pressing down until the whole thing was in there, tickling the back of his throat. He would have bucked up involuntarily but Sollux had thought ahead and decided not to let his kismesis choke in a rare showing of magnanimity, holding his hips still with psionics. He pushed a second finger in.

Karkat was absolutely shredding the sheets bunched up in his hands. His back arched as much as possible with the psionics as Equius swallowed. He cried out his matesprit’s name.

A third finger pushed in, spreading and stretching him. Then the fingers of his other hand snaked in as well and Karkat was crying out his name, too. He wiggled them quickly like he was at his husktop typing away while Equius deep throated his bulge.

Oh so carefully he bobbed his head. Karkat’s bulge flailed about, excited by the stimulation and warm moisture of his mouth. Karkat couldn’t last much longer.

“Equius, _please_,” he whimpered. Those were the only words he could manage as his climax built back up, engulfing him slowly.

“You’re okay, KK. Come for us already.”

Sollux started thrusting hard and that was it. Karkat screamed loud enough he was sure the neighbors would think he was being murdered, and fuck if it didn’t almost feel like that in the best goddamn way possible.

Karkat went lax, completely spent. His throat was dry and sore, his nook throbbed, his breaths more like rasps. The other two stroked his sides, giving him gentle praises that he couldn’t help chirping at.

Equius gathered Karkat up in his arms. He laid his head against Equius’ chest, content. Shit, content wasn’t even good enough to describe the pure bliss enveloping him. It only grew as Sollux crawled over, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Ehehehe, hope you didn’t have something planned today, KK.” Sollux pushed a strand of hair behind Karkat’s ear.

“‘M not stupid, cleared my schedule.”

“Good, so did we.”

“We are at your full disposal today, Karkat,” Equius told him.

He was stroking Karkat’s thigh and it felt so good. His eyes fluttered shut.

“Sleepy, KK?”

“When my faculties return I will have a biting retort.”

“I’ll just imagine one for you,” Sollux snorted.

“Just rest a bit, Karkat. We’ll get a bath ready in a bit then clean up in here. I don’t believe your sheets are salvageable, my apologies.”

“Messy eaters,” Karkat mumbled, starting to drift off.

He nuzzled against Equius’s chest, his strong arms tightening around him. Sollux scratched at the base of his horns, and it wasn’t long before Karkat was purring. He fell asleep feeling completely sated yet already imagining what else they could do after a shower. Maybe some lunch.

**Author's Note:**

> Karkat has the best rumblespheres of the beta trolls and you cannot change my mind.


End file.
